https://instatbt.com/Place/stuytown/237549046StuyTownThis was my very first shoot involving two people. Circa early 2016, I randomly found these two girls hanging out in front of thenewschool dorms and asked them if they wanted to drink with me and take a few photos. I had a bottle of whiskey that I shared with them and we explored the area looking for locations to shoot. I rushed these shots because I REALLY had to pee so I only got like 20-30 photos overall before giving up and looking for a bathroom. I took these on a Nikon D7100 with a 50mm 1.8 lens. I ultimately found a bathroom and never saw/spoke to them again after this. Just another drunk adventure in my books but happy I decided to bother them and shoot around for an hour.
https://instatbt.com/Place/williamsburg-brooklyn/215631076Williamsburg, BrooklynI won't be photographing anyone for another 8+ weeks or so. I've gotten almost 25+ messages from different models interested in collaborating and I've had to decline all offers. I'm taking personal time to get myself into a routine I'm happy with, making time to get to know all of you AMAZING HUMANS who follow my journey, getting more comfortable with my editing process, and mostly im just not interested in collaborating with anyone until I'm 100% sure I can take my ideas to the next level, put 100% of my time & effort into it, and create images that matter to me with amazing people for all of you to see and feel.
I'm working out the kinks and logistics of 2 personal projects im working on that touch on the subjects of Depression as well as Body Positivity within the "IG" modeling community. I'll be casting for people soon enough so if you think you're a good fit, keep an eye out. It's gonna be really different as I'll be looking to use more props, invest in costumes/outfits, spend time finding better locations, in an attempt to really bring together the scenes/concepts/feelings I got rolling around in my big ass head.
https://instatbt.com/Place/gantry-plaza-state-park/219539711Gantry Plaza State ParkWhat is it like to feel nothing all the time? A constant detachment... No sadness, no excitement, no anger, just in a constant state of being. To look someone in the eyes when they tell you they care and feel empty, even when you want to feel it. To see your family, the friends you made, the moments you know are worth everything, and to know it doesnt really matter even when you also know it does? To lose it all over and over again and think "Whatever." To want to hate something, to love something, to yearn for something, but its just nothing. Its torture. Its feels like walking through a crowd with thousands of strangers and feeling invisible. But what happens when you feel flashes of emotion you can't describe? When you experience real pain and you enjoy it for the short moments it lasts because atleast its SOMETHING. What happens when you you want to feel so bad you're willing to trade it all? I don't have the answer. I'm chasing it. That's one of the main reasons I shoot portraits. I try to learn to feel through my models. In the hopes that one day, the emotions I try to capture will give me insight into how to be vulnerable enough that I can feel something long enough to understand it and hold on to it.
https://instatbt.com/Place/bronx-new-york/213238904Bronx, New YorkEveryone. Every single fucking one of you. You all inspired me to keep going. To keep pushing past the darkness I constantly drown in. To keep searching for the light even when I want to curl myself up and hide in the darkness. So that's what I'll do, I'll try. I'll try my best because I owe it to myself. I owe it to you all. I owe it to my creativity. I've been doing portraits for almost 2 years and my entire journey has lead me to this point. Quit or keep going. All I ever wanted was to capture genuine emotions and feelings, to create images that would help people see the darkness in me and feel SOMETHING.To understand me. I didn't think anyone would ever feel something when seeing my photos. Shit, I wanted to feel SOMETHING aside from a cold nothingness. But I feel something now, even if it's just barely, and I'll hold on to it tightly. I'm holding on for dear life.
https://instatbt.com/Place/coney-island/108488331Coney IslandHonestly, I've been ready to call it quits for a while but there's always this voice in the back of my head that tells me "You can't when you haven't even started yet." It's hard when people expect so much from you because you have "talent" and I try to meet everyone's expectations but I barely have my shit together. I struggle everyday wondering if I'm gonna ever be good enough to take this seriously, If I'll ever be good enough to inspire through more than my photos, but I don't need pity. I just need direction because I've been lost since day one. I'll admit as hard as I've worked towards trying to be better at this, I don't remember the last time I've continuously put in 100% of my effort towards furthering my photography. It's always been half assed. I haven't put myself in the position where I can fail because I'm too scared to fail , this is all I got. Had a good ig friend unfollow me because I'm too much drama and he wasn't in the wrong at all. Makes me realize I don't really have friends and im not good at keeping them. Makes me realize that I'm wasting my time with photography if I won't devote 100% of myself to it. Makes me realize how much I'm cheating myself because I dont feel strong enough to break out of this cycle of self doubt and repeating the same mistakes. Theres just alot of shit I've been doing wrong my whole life and I don't know how to do it the right way. Sorry for the rant, just alot of shit on my mind and nobody to talk to about it.
https://instatbt.com/Place/dumbo-brooklyn/23023DUMBO, BrooklynAll of my portraits generally have 2 different edits. The version I give to my models and the one I keep for myself to post. Check out her page to see the other version.